Sunday, March 15, 2009
Just tell me why?
sometimes; i think. maybe life will be better up there in heaven.
sometimes; i really really wished God will take me back home.life is so screwed. who do you know that you could even trust?
is there anyone out there that's really trustable?
a person that will stand by you? a person who will give you unconditional love?
a person who will stand by you and say "its okay.." no matter what happened?
im sick of pretending. im sick of pretending who i really am.
its really hard to pretend that you're happpy when you are really down.
its hard to comfort and tell a person that everything's gonna be ok when you are not that okay youself.
or when you are angry at them and you'll have to keep it to yourself and try not to show and be nicey nicey.
its really really hard to put up a nice face and tell people that you're okay with everything when you arent.
is it me or is it the world? has everything changed that much?
in school; church; basketball. its really depressing.
in school;its a new class. so we dont really know much of the ppl.
who are they? what are their characters? are they nice or nasty inside? we dont know.
and i dont want to know. Its like sometimes in school; you'll just want to digg a tunnel and bury yourself in it.
people are real nasty. freaking annoying and irritating. you dont even know who you can trust.
who knows what they really really think about you?
It like you are trying to put up a brave and happy face; but inside you are downright scared and afraid of what's gonna happen.
At home. i feel lousy. i feel incapable. and im sick of trying to live up to your expectations. sometimes. its really disheartening to hear your own parent insult you. though you have tried your best. ive been trying to be a good daughter and i really want you all to appreciate it. i really want you all to comfort me when im sad and not rub it in. i want to feel cared for; to feel loved.
I guess losing my phone was the last straw. i was already very upset already; but then it was the factor that trigger this explosion of saddness. my phone was like my best friend; it was the thing i shared a lot of memories with and the one that was with me no matter what. and now its gone. stolen by a stoopid thief. and then; the best part of it all is that my parents didnt even comfort me at all. they scolded me from the moment they found out. and they rubbed it in hard. really hard. and then i realised; my parents had not comforted me since i was in P3; and i doubt they'll ever do that again.
im really really sick of all this stuff. why cant i just let got of everything.
but then; before i started this post; i probably already knew that there's only one answer to all this problems..
That's God.