barely breathing.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

200th post.

:D hello. cant wait till tonight.

speech day today so no school(:
but there's loads of hw.
sighs.

go watch this. its damn cool:D:
Britain's Got Talent: Flawless
Britain's Got Talent: Hollie Steel: 10 yr old ballerina/singer
Britain's Got Talent: Diversity

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

EZ C Div.

all the best juniors:D
jiayous(:

"amanda feels like a failure. maybe its because she is."

Failure? YEAH.

i barely passed bio. and i can say i actually did study. i studied damn hard. i could almost memorise the whole damn chapter. and the thing is that i could actually understand. but then no matter how hard i work, i cant even get the results i want? and chem test, chem prac and physics pop quiz. why?
am i that dumb?

and all this tests keep coming. and every time i get back a test that i am not satisfied with, ill tell myself, ill work harder. but then what happens? even is i study harder, work harder, i cant get the results i want. and the worst thing ptm's in a 2 weeks time. what am i going to tell my parents? will they even understand in the first place? will they even know that ive worked hard and tell me to work harder? or scold me and tell me that i aint good enoug. they'll question me; asking why i couldnt be some kid who aces every test? who have a straight A record and a gpa of 4? just because others can achieve it why cant i?

You are on a pair or rollerblades. you trip over sth and then you fall down. hard. and you've scraped your knee. but you fight back and slowly get back up with your hands supporting you. but every time you managed to stand up straight. somebody comes along and push you down again. and you injure yourself again. again and again. and you've covered bruises and cuts. and you feel that you dont want or have to strength to stand up again. but then you always know you'll have to stand up and start rollerblading again if not you'll always remain in that same exact spot where you've started with. but you dont have any strength or will to carry on.

and that's how i feel when i get back every test. every pop quiz. every assignment.

God, give me the strength to carry on; ive fallen hard.

Monday, April 27, 2009

WHEE:D

whee:D i changed my blogskin:D
and i finished my essay outline:D
and im feeling extremely accomplished cos i didnt fall asleep/ feel like falling asleep in class:D

-random post. haha. posting just for the sake of posting.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Piano-dog.

i was trying to relax; feeling too stressed up.
then i ended up watching this on youtube.
its cute>. :D

funny thing is. this videos reminds me of people.

hello. its been a long long while.
anways, life suck now a days. really.

In school. i feel so stressed. there are a never ending strand of exams. that just keep crashing down over me .and no matter how hard i study, ill never get the results i want. NEVER. every time i try, its like ill never acheive the results i want. its like a heavy baggage ill never be able to get rid of. i really really used to like going to school. but now, school's like a burden. sometimes i dont even get what the teachers are saying. am i that stupid? why am flunking? i never used to get below 80.
now? i cant even say i reached 60. school. school. school.

At home. i get scolded for eveything. i try my best to do all the chores before you're home. so you wont need to scold me. but i always get scolded. no matter what. ill always get scolded.

at church. i feel weird.

and hey, dont ask me anything. just let me rant.

it isnt very nice to keep probbing people when they're upset.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

hello):
ive failed chem.
im not in the mood to say anything.
hope ill pass my maths tmr.
and jys juniors.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

i feel like a failure.
maybe its because i am one.
i cant absorb anything
nothing at all.
what else is there for me to fail?
ive failed chem,bio,phys,chinese already.
4 down 4 to go.

i cant afford to fail anymore.

Friday, April 17, 2009

hello. finally finished studying bio. got to pass this time.
listed out what we did/ have this and next week. its an alarmingly long list.
its a wonder, i could actually survive this week. miracle.

monday- chinese test part 1
tuesday- chem prac
wednesday- history SEQ.
thurs- chinese test 2 + chinese presentation + language arts presentation + visit to singapore ancient museum
fri- biology test
sat- HSK chinese exam
next week- maths test + chem test

i shall go sleep soon. im tired. average sleeping time this week - 4 hrs.

and my tummy hurts like hell.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

ytd was fun:D churchurchurchurchurchurchurch!
hahaha. will upload the photo's when marc/zara/eli they all send me.

and you. stop it. just stop it.

Friday, April 10, 2009

hello:D haha. i went to char's house with amandas, and limin.
HER HOUSE IS BIG:D
haha and we ate lots of chips:D sry charmaine for dirtying you room):
but it was fun(:

hais, there's still chengyu and history and chemistry test next week.
im doomed.

cant wait for tmr.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

hello. im alone at home. again.
that's one of the reasons i love sunday.

i guess, a lot of stuff happened ytd.
the history symposium was nice but a little boring though.
listen to all the pro people talk.

and then to yf, led worship. really hoped it was okay.
then when we had to split into the 3 groups to pray.
it was 7 people at first. me, marc, leonard, tim, wen xuan, small marc, and jianyun.
and then zeke came. that made 8.
then we had to hold the person's beside us the hands. so it was zeke and jianyun.
haha jianyun was like " you sure you want to hold me hand? i just sneezed!"
then me and leonard were like eww, then grabbed his wrists, instead of his hands.
then during the prayer he was like trying to shake our hands off.
[after that then we realised he said we held to hard; no blood can go to his hands. LOL!]
yf was quite fun i guess.
and then... worship. service.
i really really hoped it was okay.
and i dont agree, why do you have to do that?

maybe the world just have too many opinions.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

hello.
its been loong.
have you ever felt so lousy?
that you arent ever good enough?
i got that today.
hah, as if it.
you acted nice and kept smiling and all. and then go tell another person some bad stuff about me.
yes, maybe im not that. but whatever you said was very hurting.
its one of the reasons why i dread touching the piano anymore.
it just rake up too much memories. not certainly nice ones too.

maybe; the world has just too many opinions.