Hi. my name is chengjiahuiamanda. and i like shitty colours and basketballs. and the piano.im a christian.
My blog is a collection of my perspectives, thoughts and emotions.
God bless,
loves amanda.
hello. i just came home from j8. my mom decided that its time she spent sometime outside of house. so she brought me out to shop:D spent some really nice time with her. and i really really got to know her better; we just kept talking.
im really scared all this will end when i tell her about the marks. God. please dont let that happen.
sad goodbyes.
hello:D just had a nice chat with cherie. and i realised she's right. staying in the past cant be of much help. and i realise, sometimes living in the past hurts so much. cos you know it wont ever be the same again.
like what cherie said, "let it go so that God can put new hopes into your hands there are so many more people Amanda can help.. by letting some of what you desire most, is like putting on a pair of spectacles everything comes into a sharper focus and green blobs of landscapes will suddenly become the wonderful creation of the flora and fauna which God has created."
hey cherie dont worry. ill bid the past goodbye. i wont forget it, but ill focus on the present. but its gonna be hard.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
sisters for life.
i miss you so much. i miss the time we spent together. the many laughs, often just because we felt like it. i miss telling you secrets, secrets that only you knew. i miss gathering at the carpark and sharing stuff nobody else knows. i miss having the many phone calls with you, or conference late at night. i miss crapping with you. i miss going to camps with you. i miss serving with you. i miss poking and tickling you. i miss screaming and laughing with you. i miss zhi high-ing with you. i miss passing notes in sermon to you. i miss that 2006 christmas. and the one before that.
and i remember when i needed someone there for me, you were there. i remember that day at orchard, when my mom was in hospital having an op. when i cried because of that, you comforted me.
church is just so different without you. i tried to get used to it. but i cant deny everything's changed. everything. i miss you so much.
3 years.
oh great. some things are just not worth it. not worth it at all.
People get ready - Human Nature
Thursday, May 14, 2009
im seriously getting more depressed every day. life been suckish. with lots of Cs and 1 Ds. and; whatever people say hurt. whether they meant it or not. it may be a passing comment or just some joke, but what difference does it make? people are still mean.and they say mean stuffs. and there's stil ptm next fri. and im dreading it. school is stressing and life is boring and empty.
" So you make your face a mask. A mask that hides your face. A face that hides the pain. A pain that eats your heart. A heart nobody knows. "
and hey darling, goodbye.
Still have a heart
hello:D sth embarrassing happened today during HCL. we had to chose an article and talk about it. and then i chose an article about mother's day. and during the presentation almost cried. think i scared the teacher cos i was talking about my mom's cancer. i havent cried about it in a while. i just dont know what happened to me during HCL. was it what people called "breakdowns"? i have no idea. but im quite sure that was caused by the overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt about my chem and other sub. because i havent told my mom yet. and the fact that there's a ptm next fri. and also because life isnt that all good nowadays.
and hey, i realised that you arent that bad, thanks for the help anyways.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
the gala dinner just started. it just started.
*sigh* i just cant stand it that im not going tonight.
"I'll be actin' through my tears Guess you'll never know That I should win an Oscar for this scene I'm in"
hello. im still pretty bummed out that i cant go parent's night. its like the most biggest and important thing the church's gonna organise this year. and its not like im not free. while everybody's there celebrating, ill be at home stoning. maybe people would even forget about me.
since young, ive always wondered. if i arent there, would people even know im not there? if i just disappear, would people even care? when im dead and have a funeral, would people even bother to come?
sometimes,people in this world arent what you think they are.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
what's the use of it all? people dont even appreciate it at all. its just like you're as invisible as the wallpaper around the room.
dear friend
you've taught me load of things.
ive learnt not to trust anyone anymore; because no matter how hard people promised, or say they swear not to tell, it doesnt matter. because it'll still end up the wrong way round.
i've also learnt that people who we call friends arent as nice as we think. they make empty promises, they talk bad about you, they hurt you because they dont think about how you would feel before they act.
you've taught me that close friends drift apart. maybe now, you'll tell each other everything but then after some time, you'll just become some hi-bye friend. or maybe not even friends.
you used to be someone i can really confide to; someone who i can trust and talk to everyday. but now. it all changed.
humans are complex creatures. love, amanda.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
No.
what if i told you i hated you and wanted you out of my life?